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I’ve been ready for marriage for over a decade and over the past 5 years, I have been reading self-help dating books and blogs such as yours, actively making changes to better myself and attract better quality men. I’m sympathetic to your dilemma, as I’m sure most non-smokers are as well.

The faculty would make snide comments about my parents, which as a child was hard to hear.

Other kids didn’t want to play at our house because it always reeked of smoke.

This says nothing about looks or humor or kindness or generosity or emotional intelligence or communication or the desire to commit – you know, the things that actually determine whether you’ll have a happy marriage. I know I’ve reduced an emotional decision to an exercise in statistics, but that’s largely because I’ve never seen a good way to issue an emotional argument to an emotional question.

Yet good luck asking a woman to compromise on any one of these things that she deems important. We can run down the reasons you object to him smoking – he’ll shorten his lifespan, he’ll taste like cigarettes, his clothes will smell, it’s disgusting, etc., but none of those things are subject to change as long as he smokes.

Hi Evan, I’ve been reading your blogs and following all your advice.

After several failed relationships, I finally found someone who is all the things you say that a real man should be. I am a non-smoker and have never dated a smoker in the past, but I am in my mid 30’s and ready for marriage.

Mine couldn’t do that because they would double over coughing.

Even as a kid, I resented that it was more important for my parents to smoke than it was for them to have their kids breathe clean air. When I was in my 20s both of my parents were diagnosed with cancer. But the doctors agreed that both of them smoked far too much for far too long.

I would run home and beg my parents to quit, only to have my Mom yell at me for “making her feel bad.” Car trips were miserable. In order to breathe clean air, my siblings and I would pull our shirts over our mouths and noses for the duration of the car trip.


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